Don't Rape Not "Don't Get Raped"!!

Women are told to avoid walking back home alone after dark, to avoid dressing provocatively, and to avoid getting too drunk in order to avoid getting raped. But is this the solution?

Women are told to avoid walking back alone after dark, to avoid dressing provocatively, to avoid getting too drunk, and to avoid walking in particular areas of town. Prostate massagers are male sex toys that were designed to stimulate the prostate gland. If a woman gets attacked, people say: "well, she was quite drunk, so maybe she was up for it at the time," or "well, she *was* wearing *that* red dress." It's a culture of victim blaming when the reality should be that no matter what, it is NEVER OK to do anything to somebody without their consent.

We should have the right to feel safe walking down streets at night. They're our streets too. We shouldn't have to avoid particular areas after dark because some people out there might be waiting to rape us. Instead, those people should be stopped from raping. They should be prosecuted and punished in order to make an example out of them. Letting such crimes slide would only help justify it, which leads to blaming the victim instead of the criminal.

The Rape Abuse Incest National Network (RAINN) estimates that there are approximately 207,754 sexual assault victims in the United States, 44% of them are under the age of 18 and 80% are under the age of 30. In addition, 97% of the rapists and offenders don't spend even a day in jail. This is truly sickening and horrifying. The fact that such people are not prosecuted for their crimes leads more people to do it, and in fact it encourages the offender to commit the same crime over and over again.


When I say culture, I mean the bigger global culture, rather than any specific one. Obviously rape culture and "slut shaming" is not advertising itself blatantly and so in this sense no society "teaches" us the above. It does so more insidiously, by suggesting women are to blame. Just because no one goes around saying: "women deserved to be raped", doesn't mean that rape culture is not fully present in their suggestion "oh she was provocative", "oh she shouldn't have been drunk", "she shouldn't have dressed like that". The suggestion/undertones are clear. Society at large does not EXPLICITLY "teach" rape culture/"slut shaming," but I believe one has to look beyond the superficial and acknowledge that it does so implicitly, through popular media and TV for example, which is by far more dangerous than blatantly sexist statements because the reality is, in today’s modern world, the media is where young people get their morals and ideas from. It is these subtle "teachings" from society that are the most harmful because young people take them in and further perpetuate them without realizing what they’re doing.

I don't think that it's only the offenders themselves who use such excuses. Well perhaps it depends on the type of people you know (although perhaps not because its not like the people I know could be classed in any way that is seen as negative), but I personally have good friends (who of course would never rape) whom I was surprised to find shared, to varying degrees, views which to an extent put some blame on the woman attacked. Nothing is more frustrating and shocking than hearing a close friend share such views. If only it were the case that only despicable offenders use such language! Women are advised to do certain things to AVOID being raped like avoiding dark places and having their keys out when they go home at night so that they're not rummaging through their bag in front of their front door. All I'm asking for is more emphasis on the blameworthiness of the attacker rather than (if any at all) of the victim.

Coupletime

First of all, warning! I decided to throw an explicit account of my weekend out there because, hey, single people aren’t the only ones who have sex ;-) Here goes…on a non-sex related note, Seattle’s beautiful, though I have to say as a city it’s not my style (I prefer San Francisco and Boston…different as they are from each other). I was there for a conference and the BF came along for the ride. We stayed at the Westin with a friend of mine, Diane. We were supposed to have one other roomie, Rita, but she had some family stuff come up and cancelled at the last minute.

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Diane was kind of concerned that she’d be a third wheel (fifth wheel?) and repeatedly told us that if we wanted “coupletime,” to just let her know and she’d clear out. The BF and I thought this was pretty funny and would shout “couple time!” whenever she looked like she was about to fall asleep, when she was working on her conference presentation, whatever.

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On Saturday we made the mistake of assuming that some mutual friends that we were kind of planning our day around were also planning their day around us. This turned out not to be true, but we didn’t discover it until about half the day was wasted, and we got so drunk (waiting for them to meet us at Fisherman’s) that we also were too tired to go out that night. Fortunately we got to hang out at Pike Place Market, which is now officially one of my favorite places ever. Fresh fish, cheese, fruits, veggies, flowers…my new daydream is a condo that overlooks the water 3 blocks from Pike Place Market and my own personal chef. Heaven.

(I don’t usually consider myself a flower person, but…)

Coupletime?

So Sunday the mutual friends wanted to meet up again, but Diane, the BF and I were wise to them at this point. They were going to meet us at the Underground Tour (which was awesome, though I wish we’d known about the Discreet vibrators before we got there, much more our style!) but we got there first and bought our own tickets (not buying theirs because we didn’t know if they’d show). We went on the tour and then Diane joined the other group and the BF and I split off on our own. We went back to the Market for a little bit and were window-shopping and laughing about the “coupletime” joke.
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Then the BF looked at me. “You know,” he said, “we’re only a few blocks from the hotel.”

“Coupletime?” I asked.

“I’m ‘up’ for it if you are.”

Immediately I texted Diane with the message, “Warning: coupletime!” and we were back at the hotel within minutes. For those who haven’t been to the Westin, the rooms are in two circular towers that overlook the city. The rooms are curved along the circle, so the views are spectacular. We were on the twenty-fifth floor and the weather that day was fantastic and sunny (now I have hit men after me because they don’t tell you Seattle has great weather a lot of the time or else everyone would move there). The regular curtains were pulled back, but the sheer privacy curtains shielded us from prying eyes.

“Leave them open,” he said.

Coupletime

We lay on the bed and kissed; I put my hands under his shirt and scratched his back, one of his favorite things, and then reached lower. He was already hard, and no sooner had I touched him then he pushed me back while he took off his clothes. I love that moment when he has to pull his pants and boxers out and over his cock because it’s already hard. He knelt above me on the bed while I took him into his mouth. We’d been walking around all day so he smelled purely like him, which I also love. He tasted like slightly salty pre-come as he moaned on his knees above me.

He was too excited to take this for long, and I took off my shirt and bra quickly while he pulled off my jeans and panties in one movement. He lay down between my legs and went down on me, using his fingers in addition to his mouth (my favorite is when he makes a beckoning motion inside me with his fingers while sucking on my clit) before the sex began.

Despite the fact that we’d thrown the latch in case Diane didn’t get our text, it was exciting to know that she could come a-knockin’ at any second…plus, as he whispered when I began to moan at my normal volume, “we’re right across from the elevator, people can hear you…”

He went down on me again before I flipped him over onto his back and climbed on top. This is probably my favorite position because something about the way his body curves when he puts my nipple in his mouth simultaneously gets his dick in the absolute perfect position, rocking my clit and my g-spot at once.

Then he whispered, “go down on me…” and I did, savoring the simultaneous taste of me and him until he moaned, “I’m going to come,” and then he did, and I sucked out every last drop while he moaned and writhed on the smooth white hotel sheets.

Coupletime At Home

The rest of our Seattle trip went great—delicious sushi at a place called Red Fin as well as drinks and hanging out with other mutual friends—and we got back late Monday afternoon. We were in the kitchen while he made popcorn, talking about what a great trip we had when I asked the BF if he’d be okay with my writing about “couple time.”

“How explicit are we talking?” He asked.

“I can be as explicit or hint-y as you like,” I responded. “How about I write it up and send it to you at work for you to read?”

“I’m getting hard just thinking about it,” he said, sliding his hand into my pajamas and stroking me gently. He was getting hard, so I pulled down his shorts and went down on him there in the kitchen.

“Excuse me,” he said, and reached over to hit “stop” on the microwave. We shed all our clothes onto the tile and I went back to what I was doing before he relocated us to the couch so that he could reciprocate. Then I went down on him again before we finally had sex…he was on top and pulled out just before he came…all over my stomach and chest. After cleaning up a little, we relocated to the bedroom upstairs where he nibbled on my nipples while I used my favorite vibrator. After I came we lay on the bed, kissing and snuggling, for the next half an hour.

“I had a great trip, baby,” he said. “I’m looking forward to that e-mail tomorrow!”

And that’s Seattle.

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